Bridal Jewelry: Fulfilling a Wedding Tradition

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. This is a saying that many brides take to heart when considering their wedding trousseau. From wedding gowns, accessories and motifs, brides from all walks of life throughout the years have tried their best to stick to this formula. Its interesting to note that bridal jewelry can follow this adage, too.

Something old could most often be a piece of bridal jewelry that is a family heirloom. Sometimes the groom would give to his bride a ring or another piece of jewelry that had once been owned by his mother, grandmother, or past brides in his family. Maybe the bride would wear her own mothers antique jewelry or some other gem that has been handed down to brides in the family from generation to generation. One thing is certain, wearing such bridal jewelry would reinforce a sense of family, tradition and continuity in a wedding ceremony.

Something new hardly needs any explanation. Thousands upon thousands of bridal jewelry stores, both the Internet e-commerce sites and bricks-and-mortar stores, offer a dazzling array of accessories to make the bride shine on her wedding day. The would-be bride can choose from among various jewelry pieces one or several items that she would wear at the ceremony and which she could treasure and keep as a memento of that most special day.

At first thought, something borrowed doesnt seem applicable to bridal jewelry. After all, a bride would most probably want to wear her own jewels and not have to borrow and then return them. But for women who want to add to the accessories that they will be wearing on their wedding day without having to spend thousands of dollars more to buy new ones, renting jewelry offers a practical solution. Many establishments rent out antique or estate bridal jewelry, including necklaces, bracelets, and earrings, and only the rental fee plus a refundable deposit need to be paid.

Finally, for that something blue in a bridal jewelry ensemble, there are several gemstones that fit the bill. Depending on the shade of blue that she wants, a bride can opt for a necklace, bracelet, or earrings that are accented with sapphires, aquamarines or blue pearls. Hair ornaments or tiaras with other blue-tinted stones such as agate and topaz are also beautiful accessories for the bride.

The bride is the belle of the ball on her wedding day and it is important for her to look her best on that special occasion. Bridal jewelry, chosen tastefully and worn properly, will complement her wedding dress and make her look as radiant and as beautiful as any bride should be.

Sam Serio is an Internet Marketer, musician and a writer on the subject of jewelry and gemstones. For more information on jewelry and gemstones, we cordially invite you to visit to pick up your FREE copy of How To Buy Jewelry And Gemstones Without Being Ripped Off. This concise, informative special report reveals almost everything you ever wanted to know about jewelry and gemstones, but were afraid to ask. Get your FREE report at

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Defining Relationship Commitment for Today's Couples

WHAT IS COMMITMENT?

The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents.

In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships.

COMMITMENT VS. PROMISE

I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he "cheated."

We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships, and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a "commitment" to each other.

OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within the relationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right?

In our conversation, it occurred to me to make a distinction between a "Commitment" vs. a "Promise." They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things.

When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the "commitment vs. promise" distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment.

Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms:

PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a

specific act.

- I promise to pick up your dry cleaning and not forget this time

- I promise to be exclusive in our relationship

COMMITMENT:

Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs.

- I am committed to keeping my promises

- I am committed to our relationship

In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual.

A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related.

CONFUSION ABOUT COMMITMENT

Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation.

The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today's relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term "pre-commitment" to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- "What is commitment?"

When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE.

I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in "committed relationships." They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.

IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE -NOT- IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IF:

1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed
2. You are wondering if this relationship is committed
3. You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship
4. Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship
5. You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way
6. You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept

A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it.

And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.

CONTINUUM OF COMMITMENT

Commitment is not a light switch that goes from "off" to "on." When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases.

Then you have all the shades of gray. living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really?

FACT VS. ATTITUDE

Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.

It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me").

It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").

In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship.

In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor.

Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories-

UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.

CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.

CONCLUSION

So, when is a relationship committed?

-- When there is an alignment of fact and attitude.

What creates the "fact" of commitment?

I propose these three criterion:

• CRITERIA #1: Promises made to each other about the permanent nature of the relationship that are kept
• CRITERIA #2: Explicit, formal, public declaration
• CRITERIA #3: Unambiguous to partners and others

In today's world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.

I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices.

2005 by Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved

David Steele is a California-based Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Coach, founder and CEO of Relationship Coaching Institute. He is the author of "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World" and innovative relationship coaching programs for singles and couples, as well as practice development programs and books for private practice professionals.

For more information about David and his programs please visit

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